Do I Talk About My Scars?

Hi David,
I am a single woman who opted for a bilateral mastectomy when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in late 2010. After the surgery I took advantage of the insurance coverage and the excellent cosmetic surgeons in the Miami area and had both breasts redone. My cancer is gone, my health is good and I have two lovely new breasts.

I am back on the dating scene and hope that sex is back in my life soon. I never think or talk about my cancer but I feel awkward because my breasts reveal the obvious scars of a radical mastectomy (the scars will fade with time). Should I tell my future lover about my illness and surgery prior to becoming intimate to prep him mentally or say nothing and hope all goes smoothly? My breasts do not look like "Franken-boobs", they actually look quite lovely just with some scars.

I welcome your suggestions and advice.
~Lovely One

Dear Lovely One,
And somehow I’m sure you are, from the tone of your message. What comes to mind immediately is a really lovely negligee and low lights. I am sure that you are beyond the tusseling on the couch phase. If some man is lucky enough to spend the night with you, you can welcome him to your bedroom, slip off to the bathroom and reemerge in your lacy negligee which will shadow everything. You might even turn off the lights and light some low candles, which many people would do anyway.

My other thought is to keep on a really beautiful bra. Often in films I see the more "sophisticated" actresses keeping on their bra doing a love scene. If Julia Roberts can do it, you can!

Actually, I don’t think you have any problems. Remember men get very excited. They don’t notice a whole lot in the flurry of the moment. I wish you lots of luck in your new adventures. In everyone’s lives these adventures are very important!

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