Not Really Passionate In Bed

Dear David,
Recently a number of my women friends have been complaining to me that their boyfriends, husbands, lovers, you name it are not really passionate in bed. They just want to cuddle and noodle around. I don't know what to tell them. Do you?
~A Quandry Question

Dear Quantry-Solver,
I think this is primarily a North American problem. I have long felt that the men in the US are repressed and just want to get sex over. This comes out of our English background, the Puritans and all that. Added to this is that most men are now spending a lot of time watching porn on the internet. My first question to these blokes would be, "Are you maturbating a lot?" My second would be, "How about turning off the internet and turning me on?"

Also, you should ask these women how feminine are they behaving? Are they wearing perfume? Sexy perfume, not sporty. Are they wearing feminine underwear, not sports bras? Are they wearing skirts and heels or are they in jeans and sneakers all the time? How's their hair? It is long, flowing and sensuous? We have to face it, women are prettier than men. Even though I am gay I have to admit it. And men get aroused sexually (heterosexual men) by the difference between them and their partner. IF you want that clam hammered, you have to do your part! And setting him up with a couple of glasses of wine and a good meal first is not a terrible idea. Come on! Get sexy! No one is more for equal rights for women than me, but men are actually more delicate than women emotionally. You have to seduce them every time. Unless they're Latin American, then watch out!

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