Help! Mom advice

Dear David,
I speak to my mother every day. She has big problems, all self-inflicted. I don’t like speaking to her at all yet I must. Did you or do you ever have this problem?
~Mom Beat

Dear Mom Beat,
Are you Italian? Sounds like it. Those Italian moms are famous for pushing that guilt button long and hard. I left home at 17, much to my mother’s relief I think. We would write each other once a week. Saw each other maybe twice a year.

I think you are doing the right thing. Just be patient. Call her so she can’t complain about that. And maybe hang the phone on your shoulder and read while she talks, saying “uh huh” and “is that so?” Occasionally. That’s plenty.

In-Law Unlucky...

Dear David,
My lover is very attached to his mother. He calls her everyday while he is driving to work and they speak at length about her problems, her unhappiness, her conflicts with her family, her neighbors, her so-called friends, her husband. She is a holy terror. She makes him very unhappy but he still feels he must speak to her every day. She and I have never come into conflict and I have no plan to do so. Is there anything that can be done?
~In-Law Unlucky

Dear In-Law Unlucky,
 That poor woman. You don't have  to wish her bad luck. She already has the bad luck to be herself. Were it me, I think I'd just put her over in the corner of my life and seal her in with wax and forget about her as much as possible. When there is no solution it is not a problem. It is just a thing. And remember, he loves you more than he does her. He isn't sleeping with her...

Advice on rocky relationship with my father

Dear David,
I don't have a good relationship with my father. Never have. He doesn't seem capable of opening up and saying how he really feels. I have discussed this with my mother and she says he loves her and will be open with her, but not often. He finds it very difficult. My siblings feel the same about him. Is there anything I can do before we all crawl into the grave?
~Lookin' for Dad

Dear Lookin' for Dad,
Your father is probably the last of that generation who feel it is unmanly to be emotional. They are most concerned about what other men thing of them, not their family. They have hit all the bases of marriage, family and taking care of everyone but in many ways haven't grown up completely themselves.


My suggestion is not a long talk, that will not happen. What I do with all the repressed people in my life is distract them. Take your dad and go on a fun trip. Go to New York, go to the theater, go to dinner, get a little drunk. Just make sure he has some fun. Then at least you've given back for his having taken care of you and giving you a secure life until you left home. And even if it wasn't all that secure, give him some good times. People really need that. And it doesn't bring them closer to you. Having fun together can be just as good or maybe better than that confessional moment. Which for many people can never happen. Show him you love him - you don't have to tell him.

Family secrets...

Dear David,
I have recently been contacted by a fairly distant relative who is very interested in family history. This pleases me very much as I have memorabilia and remember all my mother's stories. However I don't think I should divulge any of the perhaps "less attractive" details. Am I just being old-fashioned?
~Dubious

Dear Dubious,
Keep it to yourself. I don't think it adds anything to the family history which is largely a pursuit of fantasy and folklore. I do tell some of my relatives on my fathers side that we had a sheep and horse thief. I am not sure if they had him hung or not. If someone is proud of their family it's of no purpose to make them feel less about it.

My grandfather was...

Dear Davidina,
I just found out that my grandfather was gay and liked to wear women's clothes. My grandmother was apparently not very happy about it. It's not a problem for me really, but I just had to tell someone about it.
~The Granddaughter

Dear Granddaughter,
Honey, homosexuality is hereditary in my thinking. My grandfather had two brothers that married very late and never had children. My great-grandfather was the only male in his generation to have children and had a younger brother who "liked to wear women's silk stockings" - so my great-aunt told me. And then said, "Oops."

(photo via dreamstime.com)

If anyone reading needs advice about love, sex, relationships, life, etc. (gay or straight) - you just might find your question and answer posted here on Davids Gay Dish. Contact me today my darlings! davidsgaydish@gmail.com

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Dear David,
I am of Italian decent and have that very usual Italian problem - the mother who thinks you don't love her enough. We speak everyday on the phone and her modus operandi is unending complaints. What should I do?
~Mother Beseiged

Dear Mother Beseiged,
Buy her expensive presents. Send her a cashmere sweater. A bracelet. You don't have to see her if she can show off to her friends that you are successful enough to spend money on her. As I have always said, "Most problems go away when you throw money at them."