Job & men choices...decisions decisions!

Dear David,
I have a very unusual problem. I have been interviewing as I wish to change my job. I now have two excellent offers and I am torn as to which to take. Also, I am seeing two men, both of whom I have something going with. I am at a point where I must choose between one or the other. What an unusual quandary, I know. Too much of a good thing. Please, help me decide!
~B. Baffled

Dear B. Baffled,
De-Baffle yourself. You have come to the right place. I have two set rules, and actually perfect for just these situations. When taking a job, take the one that pays the most. Definitely. They are all very much the same finally. And when deciding between men, date the younger. Don't ask me why- just do it. I have made both these decisions a number of times. This is what experience has taught me.

Tall gal dating a short man...

I just read in The Week Magazine that scientists have been able to validate Einstein's theory that time runs faster the higher off the ground you are. For every foot above ground a person ages about 90 billionths of a second faster over a lifetime. Which means that if you are tall you are aging a tiny, tiny, tiny bit faster that shorter people. This is just a notice to tall people to use a lot of moisturizer. And very apropos, the next question:

Dear David,
I am one of your female readers - one who finds the problems and solutions on your blog very useful and interesting a lot of the time. I am dating a man whom I like a lot. The only problem is that he is quite a lot shorter than I am. Advice, please.
~Tall Gal

Dear Tall Gal,
You are lucky to be tall - although as my note suggests, keep moisturizing. Interestingly many of my blog readers are women. There is evidently a big overlap with gay problems and women's problems. Tall gal, as far as being taller, what does it matter when you're not standing up? And that is the most important part of your relationship. AND, you are staying younger. So, lay down!

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ Episode 47

Welcome to the 47th Episode of "Come On Out! with David Leddick" - live from my book signing party @ Books & Books on Lincoln Road in Miami Beach. Listen to my fun chat with my pal Roman Ortiz about his personal coming out story.

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Billtornade Model

Handsomest Man in the World. They just keep turning up. I don't know who this model is but here he is in an ad for Billtornade, Paris. This ad was in Uomo, Vogue from Italy. What a face! What great hair! If you look even vaguely like this you need this hairstyle. Wow!

____________________________________________

Dear David,

I was at your book event at Rizzoli in New York a couple of weeks ago and I noticed you skin. You have great skin and you are no spring chicken. How do you do it?

~Skin-ny

Dear Skin-ny, 

Are you really? Lucky you. As for my face - I have not washed it for over fifty years. When I was Creative Director for Revlon at Grey Advertising I went to Europe a lot to get fashion and beauty directions. I talked with Eve of Rome, a major beauty salon and product line at that time, with Eve herself at the helm. She was a great lady. We had lunch. And she said, "You much not wash your face. Cream cleanser, balancing liquid (probably cucumber) and then night cream." If I'm sleeping with someone I get up and put night cream on later. And no matter how drunk I am or how late it is, I always cleanse, balance and night cream. Eh, voila! It takes a lot of discipline but you get results!

When your partner...

Dear David,
Yesterday you wrote about massage. What if you like to do this with your partner but he refuses to give you a massage in return, or makes a half hearted attempt?

~Muy Frustrado

Dear Muy Frustrado,

Are you getting laid or what? You can't have everything in this world and you know in every relationship there is the lover and the loved one. I guess you're the lover. You probably are freer sexually and maybe your lover feels uneasy paying so much attention to someone else's body. Or maybe he is just lazy. Or maybe you need a new lover. I leave these decisions in your hands!

What do you do when...

Dear David,

What do you do when you are in the mood for sex and your partner isn't?

~Kinda Horny

Dear Kinda Horny,

The perennial problem. I always give them a massage. If you don't know how to give a massage, go take some lessons. I particularly like to do that thing where you pull the muscles down through the arms with your fingers and then pull the stress out through each finger of the loved one's hand. First one hand, then the other. It feels so good for them. Same thing with the legs and feet. Massaging the bottom of the feet tickles but it really relaxes the whole body.

And I always give a good head massage up the neck, behind the ears, and over the top of the scalp. For some reason it relaxes your eyes, too. Use a lot of body lotion. What you do around the crotch is your business. Turn them over and I'll be they are ready to rock. If not, at least you've been a great and loving bed partner.

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ Episode 46

Hi my Darlings! Welcome to the 46th Episode of "Come On Out! with David Leddick" - live from my book signing party @ Books & Books on Lincoln Road in Miami Beach. Listen to my fun chat with my pal David Sexton about his personal coming out story. 

Thanks to those of you who "came out" to my fun booksigning event for my new book Gorgeous Gallery. The one and only David Vance was also there to sign his hot new book Jungle Fever!

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Nick Symmonds

Gosh, a really handsome guy for Handsomest Man in the World this week and you're going to love him! Nick Symmonds. And Olympic runner who is selling advertising space on his upper left arm. He is a member of the Olympic team for the 800-meter race. He was on the 2008 team and when he qualified for the 2012 Olymics in first place, he stuck his tongue out at the camera. Why do I think we are going to hear a lot more about Mr. Symmonds? Definitely very hot!

Do you think that's okay...

Dear Davita Gray,
Yes, I saw your show "Secrets of the Chorus" and have always thought you should play the lead. But aside from all that, I have been with my partner for seven years and everyone is talking about how couples get tired of sex with each other and start going astray. This has not happened with me and my boyfriend but I want to anticipate it. I don't want it creeping up on me. We have sex about two times a week. Sometimes more, never less. Do you think that's okay?
~Sexastisfied

Dear Sex-atisfied,
The question is, do you think it's okay? I think it's very okay, as would most people who have been together seven years I would guess. What I think is important is to always be exploring your partner's shifting sexual desires. Not yours. Hopefully he is concerned about you, too. But even if he isn't you can concentrate on him and then just impose yourself upon him sexually also. He won't complain. Use your imagination. Is there stuff he has never done? I don't want to go into detail, try going there. I think it is the repetition of the same old position, the same old ooga-ooga that gets boring. I am always suspicious of very promiscuous men because I think they are just going out to do the same old  thing except with someone different. Come on, have some imagination! I particularly like it when someone says "you made me do that." Of course I did, and you've been waiting a long time to try it.

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ 45th Episode

Welcome to the 45th Episode of "Come On Out! with David Leddick" where I answer a dear readers question about their love dilemma: Should they stay with someone who has a drug addiction or move on? Click my video above to find out the answer!

If you have a love/life question you would like answered my darlings, please write me: davidsgaydish@gmail.com

Fashion & that darned Justin Beiber!

La moda, la moda. Now we will turn our attention to Autumn a bit. The snug jacket is here but longer, so you can wear it as a kind of short topcoat until it really gets cold. I'm seeing hair in your eyes too. That darned Justin Beiber!

Ladies, here's a very good winter dress. This is from Burberry Prorsum (so it will be costly), but a long-sleeved dark knit like this you can wear a hundred times. Just change your accessories and you will always look great.

If you have occasion to get all dressed up in the evening this white glitter dress is simple and very elegant. A good dressmaker would make you a copy. Spend the money on the fabric.

And lastly, I found this photo of Coco Chanel from the 1930's. A great little jacket. So important. This little jacket is probably sitting around somewhere in some fashion museum closet. Made to last forever. Notice the pocket that elongates the side of the jacket. Someone really good designed this jacket and it probably wasn't Coco herself. She always loaded up on lots of jewelry, a mix of real and make believe. I love the clips on the jacket collar. Once so done and now forgotten completely.

________________________________

Dear David,
As I get older I am increasingly unsure of what to wear, particularly for leisure clothes. I don't want to look too much like an aging poof.
~A.P.

Dear A.P.,
I am sure you are not! Listen, get some white knit tennis shirts, dark blue slacks, beige suntan pants, a blazer, navy blue sweater and for shoes some new tie-ups or slip-ons with what they call a "kilt", a leather frill that you've seen on golf shoes. The new look and you can do it. Wear a kind of uniform with one fashion touch and you're home free. If you wear business suits: dark gray, navy blue. White or small pattern shirt, dark tie in stripes or I prefer a small pattern. You can wear dark brown shoes with these. I prefer it.

Handsomest Man in World ~ Adam Senn

Handsomest Man in World day! This Adam Senn who is in the ads for Dolce & Gabanna's men's fragrance "The One Sport." Pretty Swell looking guy, no?

Annnnnnd, why not see him in action in the official video version of the ad - please click here. I promise you won't be disappointed!

Mr. Troubled

Dear David,
I've been watching porn lately and began to realize what a dark side there is to it. Porn of today is not the porn of yesterday. And I guess I just realized that there is a darkside to sex. And while it troubles me, I realize it turns me on also. I realize this is a vague question, but how do I come to terms with this?
~Mr. Troubled

Dear T.T. Troubled,
I think when sex becomes disassociated from love it can move into an area of control and domination. Hence all that S&M stuff. I haven't run into it much, but when someone tried to strangle me with his bathrobe belt I asked, "Is this supposed to be fun?" I didn't get it and I don't get it. I think a lot of it has to do with feeling guilty and inferior about being gay - therefore you need punishment. That seems sort of passe to me - very 20th century. I think if being gay is like being Swedish - It's a little different, but in no important way. You don't have to be punished for it. As for yourself, if you find the brutal, dark side of sex sexy, ask yourself, " Do I feel guilty? Do I feel I need to be punished?" That you can get over. Anderson Cooper did.

I'm too embarrassed to...

​Hey David,
I've been seeing someone and when he sleeps over I'm too embarrassed to go poo in the morning. This hasn't happened with other sleepover "dates" that I've had. Does this mean I'm in love???
~Mr. B.M.

Dear B.M.,
It may well be. One of my rules (especially early on in the relationship) is to not go into the bathroom together. It can destroy the magic of you. I think you're picking up on this. But I don't quite understand. Are you sleeping in the bathroom? Can't you just go in by yourself and firmly close the door?

(photo via centroarchitecture.com)

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ Episode 44

Welcome to the 44th Episode of "Come On Out! with David Leddick" where I answer a dear readers question about their love dilemma.

Fashion - summer color, cardigans, black and white

I am going to do sort of a big fashion blog this Thursday and again next Thursday as a wrap up for the summer and after that we will start thinking about Autumn. There's good stuff coming up.

1. The last of the mixed color suggestions. Purple T-shirt, greenish shorts and a bright yellow jacket and red-rimmed sunglasses. You'd better have a good tan for this. But you will not be ignored. Also, turquoise jacket, orange pants and blue shirt. Fantastic.

2. I found all three of these looks on one page. Everything here is very expensive but you can do these looks with very inexpensive stuff. First, the little navy blazer. So good. With pants in a color. Second, that sweatshirt/sweater is coming up. This is $560 from Jil Sander so you can forget that. But you can duplicate the style with a less expensive jacket. And thirdly, if you must wear a baseball jacket this is how to do it.

3. The cardigan is good now and will be good in the Fall. Also, I liked this with the matching color bowtie. How long the hat look will hand in there I don't know. It seems to be going on or a very long time.

4. Ladies. I think this white pants and black and white shirt with a black tie was a terrific summer look. Very unexpected. This is Stella McCartney but you can find a boys inexpensive shirt that will work. Short sleeves would be okay.

5. Am I the only one who finds Rufus Wainright a bore? I don't get it. Not all that talented and very period gay. Rufus darling, we are in the 21st century.

_____________________________________________________

Dear David,
What about shoes with no socks? Even in winter?
~Bare Ankled

Dear Bare Ankled,
I never got this . Is it to avoid washing your socks? I wear those footlets if I do it. I like disheveled white sweatsocks better with everything.

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Eugene Simon

It is July 4th. I am not keen on national holiday's as the always seem to be very forced. "I am supposed to be having a good time so I will pretend I am." Like family reunions.

But, today is also Handsomest Man in the World day! Eugene Simon who plays Lancel Lannister on "Game of Thrones." I have never seen this show and he looks very young, but a great face.

_____________________________________________

Dear David,
I just asked a friend, "Have you ever met a married couple whom you would like to be like?" He couldn't think of any. What happens when a romantic duo seem to turn into a nagging brother and sister who have to stay together?
~Fear da Marriage

Dear Fearda,
I have been thinking about this a lot. You know the idea that true happiness with children and a loved one at home is a fairly recent idea. Certainly it didn't exist before Queen Victoria in the early 19th century. Before then marriage was a survival arrangement, but Victoria really loved Prince Albert and evidently they had a great sex life so the idea caught on.

As for yourself, gay or straight marriage from my outside view looks like something to do with your life. Not many people grow up and want to do something special with their life that is all their own. It is frightening. But we are all afraid. That's why I admire courage. I say, yes, marriage is fulfilling but only to someone you are crazy about. Compatibility is not as important as wanting to be with that person all the time. And children shouldn't distract you. Yes, going through life with someone you are nuts about is great. But don't let security lead you to a decision.

Advice on rocky relationship with my father

Dear David,
I don't have a good relationship with my father. Never have. He doesn't seem capable of opening up and saying how he really feels. I have discussed this with my mother and she says he loves her and will be open with her, but not often. He finds it very difficult. My siblings feel the same about him. Is there anything I can do before we all crawl into the grave?
~Lookin' for Dad

Dear Lookin' for Dad,
Your father is probably the last of that generation who feel it is unmanly to be emotional. They are most concerned about what other men thing of them, not their family. They have hit all the bases of marriage, family and taking care of everyone but in many ways haven't grown up completely themselves.


My suggestion is not a long talk, that will not happen. What I do with all the repressed people in my life is distract them. Take your dad and go on a fun trip. Go to New York, go to the theater, go to dinner, get a little drunk. Just make sure he has some fun. Then at least you've given back for his having taken care of you and giving you a secure life until you left home. And even if it wasn't all that secure, give him some good times. People really need that. And it doesn't bring them closer to you. Having fun together can be just as good or maybe better than that confessional moment. Which for many people can never happen. Show him you love him - you don't have to tell him.

Do you pay much attention to the news?

Dear David,Do you pay much attention to the news? My friends seem to be so absorbed in their job, their mother, their boyfriend (missing or present) that they don't even know where Afghanistan is, let alone the difference between Iraq and Iran. Not to mention Egypt. Do you pay attention to what goes on in the world?~The Observer

Dear Observer,Congratulations, my friend. I do feel that some gay men have a level of world awareness about the same as high school cheerleaders. If their world should suddenly take a big nosedive they would be taken completely by surprise. Fortunately for them, I think the world is heading towards much more awareness. The big rift between younger and the older is very international and all the unrest in Islamic countries is largely younger people knowing what is going on in the rest of the world and the controlling authorities not wanting to let go. Which is exactly what is happening in our own country. Darling, I don't know what you can do to wake up your friends to the world they are in. I guess just keep aware yourself so you can answer their questions should they ever come up. Lots of gay men are like married women from the last century. Why I really do not know...