Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Dating & HIV

Dear David,
I am having my 50th birthday this week. I am reasonably attractive, my body is quite ok, I make good money and I am fun to be with. My humor may be a little subtle but I have it.

Where I have coffee every morning there is an attractive guy of about 40. We chat, laugh, I can see us bonding more and I am at the point where I want to ask him out to the movies, lunch, something to see where it might go. We are close enough that he has told me that he is HIV positive. This has kind of stopped me in my tracks. What do you think I should do?
~A Bit Afraid

Dear Fraidy-Cat,
Listen, this is a very good question. And probably in the past many people have had similar quandaries when tuberculois was such a scourge. Historically there have been any number of contagious diseases to be considered when starting a relationship.

I myself don't think HIV should stand in the way. But only when a real relationship is involved. So you think you could really love this man? If you think you could, give it a go. Have a movie date. Go to lunch. See each other on a Sunday. I think you can kiss. I think you can fool around some sexually. I would just wait until I was really sure that this is the real thing, and then you can have protected sex.

He's got to be feeling some level of rejection by HIV negative men and your reaching out for him will be important. You know that I am a sucker for romance and love. And yes, I am willing to die for love. I think you have to be if you put someone else's welfare before your own. And that's what love is. Go ahead and get to know him better. And then make a further decision at that point.

(Image via Jupiter Images)

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