What To Do About The Seven Year Itch...

Dear David,
My lover and I have been together for seven years and the seven year itch set in for him this year. We have been very monogamous and I have been perfectly happy with this. But suddenly he wants to open up our relationship.

He suggested we do three-ways but I have seen where that goes. For a few months I sat back and let him go out and get laid on his own, and we still had sex also. About a month ago I told him I don’t want to do that anymore.

He has now gotten into great shape, been photographed showing off his body, and is now living in a part of our house that we made into a separate apartment for rental. What’s your take on all this? What do you think is coming up next?
~Feeling Lost & Lonely

Dear Lost & Lonely,
I can’t say, “Don’t feel that way.” It’s inevitable. What I would guess is happening is that your lover is getting older, is probably good-looking and needs the ego support of other men finding him attractive. The English eccentric Quentin Crisp always said, “You must have a style and it can’t be your looks. They go.” Your lover’s style has probably been his looks and now he’s getting panicky.

What people don’t seem to understand is that a relationship is all about intimacy. The one and one of you make more than two. Once that is opened up the intimacy is gone and so is the relationship. Now you’re just roommates with a little sex thrown in.

On the other hand, a romance is never done until one party is dead. He may want to come back after these adventures are over. That is what you must decide. Will you want him back? Is that connection still there for you? If it is, I’d wait awhile and see what happens. You can forgive him.

On the other hand, if you feel he has killed it dead, I would get over it as rapidly as possible. If you share property, get rid of it. Move into your own digs. Don’t keep seeing him. You need to shift your attention away so that destiny can come sweeping in with someone who will really want someone like you; a person who understands what intimacy is.