I've been watching porn lately and began to realize what a dark side there is to it. Porn of today is not the porn of yesterday. And I guess I just realized that there is a darkside to sex. And while it troubles me, I realize it turns me on also. I realize this is a vague question, but how do I come to terms with this?
Dear T.T. Troubled,
I think when sex becomes disassociated from love it can move into an area of control and domination. Hence all that S&M stuff. I haven't run into it much, but when someone tried to strangle me with his bathrobe belt I asked, "Is this supposed to be fun?" I didn't get it and I don't get it. I think a lot of it has to do with feeling guilty and inferior about being gay - therefore you need punishment. That seems sort of passe to me - very 20th century. I think if being gay is like being Swedish - It's a little different, but in no important way. You don't have to be punished for it. As for yourself, if you find the brutal, dark side of sex sexy, ask yourself, " Do I feel guilty? Do I feel I need to be punished?" That you can get over. Anderson Cooper did.