Monday, May 16, 2011

Faithful but Broke

Dear David,
I am in a relationship that I feel is permanent and which I believe is very right for me and very right for him. Except for one thing. My lover/boyfriend/partner is not good at anticipating problems. And when they occur, I wind up having to bail him out financially.

For instance, I knew he was short on money for a large mortgage payment coming up. We were about to take a vacation and he said, "Oh, I can borrow the money from my friend Ken or my Dad when we come back if I don't have it." We returned. Ken didn't have the money. Or did Dad. So I had to pay it. Although I had warned him about it well in advance. It makes me angry and I don't want to be angry with him. And to gripe a little more, he doesn't seem to be too concerned that I have had to cough up the money once again for something he hasn't worried about. What is your suggestion?
~The Faithful Lover

Dear Faithful but Broke,
To tell you the truth, there isn't much you can do. If you don't pay for him the situation will only get worse, higher payments come due, more money is needed. One of my favorite quotes is "Most problems go away when you throw money at them," which is true. But less fun when it's your money but not your problem. Finally everything you have is yours together so perhaps you can look at it as you paying a debt of yours but not of your making. One thing I would strongly advise. Both of you should make wills where it is clearly spelled out that your worldly goods go to the other person. I am amazed at the long-term gay couples who do not have wills. Get it done if you haven't. It will make you less angry.

(Photo above by David Vance from my latest Book, How to be Gay in the 21st Century)

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