Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Split Personality

Dear David,
I live in a small town in the Midwest. I have a good job which I like, friends, family, a life I like. Except there I pretend I am heterosexual. I come to Miami Beach several times a year where I have great friends I have contacted through emails and there I am homosexual. I am in my latter thirties and do not see clearly where this is going to lead. Anywhere?
~Split Personality

Dear Mr. Split Personality,
An obvious reply is that as long as it doesn’t bother you, just keep bobbing back and forth between your two lives. Except I think it is more complicated than that. I think you probably don’t want to grow up to the point of having a real life with a real lover and so you continue a life in the Midwest that is like a teenager’s. Friends and family and security. And Miami is you venturing forth into sexual fulfillment. And you are falling slightly behind schedule if you are approaching forty.

I again repeat what I have said so often. When you have a secret life the only one that it is a secret to is you. Probably most of the folks back home you know are homosexual, they don’t want to embarrass themselves by discussing it. And what’s the point?

I do feel that we must push forward in growing up, as down the road no one is going to your sleepable and all those friends and family will age and disappear. You need to keep renewing your life. That I believe and can advise you to do. At some point you will have to be brave enough to get a job in Miami and work on your new life.

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