Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Secret Lives of Married Men...

Dear David G. and D.,
I read in the New York Times that Christopher Plummer is starring in a new movie about a man who comes out at age 75 and his interaction with his son. Have you heard of this before?
~Bewildered but not Bothered

Dear B. and B.,
I read the same review. And I certainly know a lot as I wrote the book "The Secret Lives of Married Men" about gay men who married women. This is not at all uncommon but you have to realize that you are not really going to be sought after as a sex object at 75. One, these guys put off making their big decision until nobody cares anymore. And two, I find it hard not to wonder what kind of relationship you have with a wife who doesn't really know who you are. Nor do your children.

Again, it's the guys who just want to make it in the world so desperately they are willing to do this. I had a fraternity brother who married because as a doctor he said, "I had to." This gives you a good idea how far the world has come in the last fifty years. We have made big strides in gay acceptance except these older guys are still living in terms of the world they grew up in. Sad for them. Sad for their wives. And family.

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