The Rules of Fashion

Dear David,
Your blog last week on fashion was great. Tell me more. I am gay but seem to have that special fashion gene left out of my personality. Since you talked about inappropriate shorts I am worried that everything I wear is inappropriate.
~Fashion Out-Of-It

Dear Fashion Braveheart,
At least you know what you don't know. Here are some tips:

1. Dress Plain. Do not wear too much stuff. If you are over forty, please, no jeans unless you are painting the house. Khakis are always good. To dress up, grey flannel pants. A blazer is a must. Blue is always better than brown. You've heard me tell you that before.

2. Good Shoes. A must. You should always mix up your look with at least one expensive item so people know that you know how to dress. If nothing else, the shoes. A good pair of brown oxfords is easy and always excellent. Again, I think after 40 you should only wear sneakers and sport shoes when you're playing the sport. You will always look younger not calling attention to the fact you are wearing clothes too young for you.

3. No Fur Coats. I don't care how rich your are. Don't ever wear a fur coat. Not for the animals but for you. Babe Paley said, "Furs make you look ten years older than you are." This is all about you.

4. No tight Clothes. I don't care how in shape you are. Even if you are young and have a great body. Let the muscles be a surprise. People can tell you have a great body in there. Surprise them with just how great it is later. Displayinh your body always looks a little bit desperate.

5. Jewelry. If you're not sure, avoid it. Neck chains are kind of out unless you want to be beaten or beat somebody up as far as I am concerned. You can wear a silver bracelet and I prefer it on the same wrist with your watch. It is for you, not for display.

Rings I don't really get unless it is a wedding band. A big brooch in the evening is quite okay and I think is a coming trend. On a jacket lapel. Not on your shirt.

Visit Bar 721 this Friday April 15th at 7pm so I can meet you. It's Gay Pride weekend so you will be out and around surely. Stop by and bring your friends!

{Photo via thefrisky.com}