Feeling Guilty About Being Gay

Dear David of the Gay Dish,
To be short and sweet about it - I was brought up in a very religious home and I cannot shake the feeling that being gay is being bad. I always feel guilty about it and it seems to wreck my relationships with other men. What do you think about this?
~Guilty as Hell

Dear G. H.,
I’m not going to go into all that folderol about homosexuality being genetic, etc. We all know that. Here’s my question to you. Is you mother still living? You may think your guilty feelings are religious but I’ll bet they’re maternal. In my experience even big names and famous people remain closeted not because of their careers but because of their mother. I just closed in my musical based on my book “How to Be Gay in the 21st Century.” I have a song about parents and guilt in the show. This guilt stuff has to do with your parents embarassment, not yours. I don’t wish your mother gone, but the moment she does your guilt will go with her is what I think.

(Photo of David Leddick by David Vance for book "How to be Gay in the 21st Century")

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ Episode 11 (Part 1)

Welcome to today's episode of Come On Out! with David Leddick, where I interview Ray Sullivan about his personal coming out story. This is Part 1, stay tuned next week for Part 2 of the interview. Enjoy!

Happy Halloween!

Fashion & Mother Advice

Our fashion day is a bit of this and that today:

How about this men's look? Is it too girly? I don't think so. I think the kind of floppy pants, T-shirt and short simple jacket is just taking the basic elements of what a lot of men are wearing and making them a little dressier. The pop-eyed guy wearing it is John Skelton who has a trendy store in London called LN-CC.

I'm not sure wear I stand on big bags. They are definitely over for women but I think for men they make sense. You have those gym clothes, lots of documents and stuff all the time. This is a sort of expensive one from Dunhill but it will last forever.

And finally, my favorite jeweler David Yurman has just branched out into really high end jewels. Here's a new emerald bracelet he has just done that I think is great. I won't mention the price. None of us can afford it. But he makes many things you can afford. Check him out...

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Dear David,
This is a question about my mother. As she ages she complains more and more that I do not pay enough attention to her. Tell me what to do. The more she complains the less I want to talk to her.
~The Hapless Child

Dear Hapless,
Buy her things. Most problems go away when you throw money at them, Buy her a cashmere pullover. A brooch. A jacket. Things she will not thing of buying herself. She can brag to her friends how you are keeping her stylish. This works.

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Vittorio Grigolo

Here we are, Handsomest Man in the World Day again! Here's somebody new. An Italian tenor named Vittorio Grigolo who is making news. He has appeared at the Metropolitan Opera in New York and will be at the L.A. Opera this year. He is hot and would be if he couldn't sing a note.

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Dear David,
I feel my penis is not big enough.
~Mr. Perplexed P.

Dear Mr. Perplexed P.,
Who's to say my darling, who's to say? This male thing about how everything looks can be turned in for "How does it feel?" I just finished a brief run in my musical "How to Be Gay in the 21st Century" in Fort Lauderdale, FL and I point out in that show that sex is about doing it, not how it looks. Women know this. It's time men did.

I think you are just being too tough on yourself. You are probably fine.

Things To Do When You Feel Lonely

Dear David,
You may not remember me, but I knew you in New York some time ago when I was a photographer's assistant and you were Worldwide Creative Director for Revlon at Grey Advertising. You were openly gay then and made no big deal about it. And wore an Yves St. Laurent safari suit around New York when that was quite a startling look. Anyway, now that we are both past the mature period of our lives I find many friends are dead and I know fewer and fewer people. It's getting lonely. What do you do?
~Little Bit Lonely

Dear Little Bit,
Please, don't be lonely. Whenever I get a little depressed I direct my attention to others. I think contributing some time everyday to some charitable work is a great thing to do. I plan to work in a soup kitchen for the homeless when I have the time. There you will meet a lot of younger, charitably-minded people and even among the homeless you will meet some interesting people. How about volunteering at an orphanage or hospital with kids? There are so many people that could use your time and attention. Give it to them. I promise you won't be lonely anymore. And your overall health, energy and interest in life will pop, too, I'm sure.

How to Find a Good Man...

Dear Mature Male,

This is the second part of a communication we started last Thursday. You’re the mature man of 47 who doesn’t feel like hanging out in clubs trying to pick up young men anymore.

First, let’s just think about whether you want to sleep (have sex) with another person more than a few times. If you think you can go beyond your repetitive sex pattern to exciting things with the same person, then here’s the plan:

Go to night school. Take something you are interested in but that will be primarily men. Automobile repair? Carpentry? There are probably all kinds of electronic stuff I know nothing about - IT, design, etc. There you will be with the same group of men for at least several months. They are the kind of men who want to learn more, grow more, go somewhere with their lives. A young man who interests you from this group will be a better bet for a long term relationship. Give this a go. I promise you, there will be some gay men there.

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ Episode 4

Here is a repost of "Come On Out! Episode 4" with David Leddick, where I interview my dear friend Reniel Diaz about his own personal coming out story.

Check back next week for a new interview (Episode 11). Enjoy your weekend!

Trying to Find A Life Partner

Dear Diva,
Here's my problem. I am 47. Still attractive but feeling more and more out of place in clubs looking for younger men. And I stress "younger men." I can see this is not going anywhere in trying to find a life partner. What do you have as an answer for this?
~A Mature Male

Dear Mr. Mature Male,
Thanks for calling me a Diva. I am sort of. What do they say "A Legend in My Own Mind"? Anyway, you have a problem a lot of gay men have. And it isn't so much that a young man is out of the question as a partner but that you have a series of young men and I'll bet you do exactly the same thing sexually with each one. You need to move on, sleep with the same person a lot of times and see where you go sexually. You need to explore yourself, more than just do something that is just a step away from an inflatable doll or masturbation. Think about this and I am going to write you more on Monday.
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Fashion scoop for today, primarily for women:

1. This is a fantastic John Galliano dress in 2006 photographed by Nick Knight. Now that Mr. Galliano has disgraced himself by drinking and drugging too much and then insulting people in bars we won't see a lot more of these. He must have been trying to wreck his career just to get out of it. It a woman is going to wear a great dress, this is it. From Dior. It much still be around somewhere in somebody's closet.

2. Here is a fashion trend you do NOT need to follow. Heavy Black shadow under your eyes. This makes your eyes look smaller. This is anti-makeup. Please do not do it.

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Model from Players 2

As I said last week, I am adding sex questions to everyday reports. But Wednesday is still Handsomest Man in the World Day! My selection is a model from Rick Day's new photo book "Players 2 | The Art of Sex and Sports." This is a very sexy book, and this model has got it. He has to be a soccer player with those thighs. He's the Handsomest Man in the World this week!

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Dear David,
I feel I am only satisfied sexually and only feel comfortable with exotic beauties. Both in bed and out in public. I don't think I am vain when I say I am kind of a model type and can score these kinds of lovers. But I'm afraid I'm becoming superficial. I feel like my relationships are fundamentally about sex. But still I'm wondering should I continue to just go with it or should I try to reform myself and look for other qualities to turn me on?
~Dissatisfied

Dear Dissatisfied,
Beauty does turn us on but within each beauty is a real person. Sex is important but if you are just repeating the same kind of sex act and only changing the person you need to think about this. What you do in bed depends a lot on where you and the other person are heading in your sex relationship. Look for the feeling that you don't want this person to escape from your life. It's all about intimacy. Sex is a part of it but added is that you are a team facing life together. That is what you should be looking for. You are not superficial. You are just in the first phase of looking for intimacy.

Should I Take A Friendship to the Next Level?

Dear DGD,
My problem is one that probably many people have. At the moment I do not have a lover or boyfriend. I have a good friend with whom I go to the movies, lunches, concerts, parties - that sort of thing. We really like each other and get along fine. But very recently I have begun to ask myself if I am not falling in love with him. I have no idea how he feels but I don't get any strong sense that he is romantically interested in me. What should I do?
~In A Quandry

Dear Mr. Quandry,
Here's what I think. For the moment do nothing. I want you to be sure you are really, really interested and not just going through a bit of a period with no love object. Love can creep up on you. I have had friends of some years suddenly announce they are interested in me in other ways so it can happen.

If the moment comes when you are sure you are in love with this guy or can be, state your case. Go to lunch, tell him how you feel. If he in no way feels the same it will probably end your friendship as it will be difficult for you to return to an earlier phase of your relationship with him. Or he may be harboring similar feelings. Don't be afraid to put it out there on the the table. But be prepared to go to the nearest bed. He may be wanting to get it on, too. But be brave and attack, but only when you are sure that is what you want.

Insomnipenis

Dear David,
If I indulge in too much pornography when I close my eyes at night all I can see are penises. It makes it hard to fall asleep. Am I doing bad things to my brain?
~Insomnipenis

Dear Insomnipenis,
I am guessing that you are young. And maybe just have too much sex to get out of your system that is available to you. At any rate, if you are dreaming of penises and thus, perhaps you need to see more of the real thing other than your own. This is the 21st century. Everyone can adventure wherever they wish (just do it safely). Your job is to find out who you are.

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ Episode 10

Welcome to today's episode of Come On Out! with David Leddick, where I interview Joshua Miranda about his personal coming out story. Enjoy!

Do not forget about my show OPENING TONIGHT, please come! Info at the top right of my blog >>>>>>

My Show Opens Tomorrow Night!

Be there or be square! Info on the top right of the blog >>>>

It's Fashion Day!

I'm going to do women's fashion for the most part today. I thought this look of long slim pants and a matching top with men's style bomber jacket looks really good and new. Notice the short hair in a kind of sideswept bang. The heels are ok but you don't have to go there. It's very boyish without being mannish.

The long tight pants with the pink coat does this look also and note she's wearing tiny loafers. This is a very good look. Really, really plain but the pink makes it very memorable and you can wear it a lot of times. My big problem with a lot of fashion is that you can only wear it two or three times and then your friends think it's the only thing you have to wear. This stuff is much more in the French tradition where you buy something fairly expensive and wear it out. I like that.

This Dolce and Gabbana ad featuring Scarlett Johansson has shorter hair in that kind of old Hollywood look that I think is great (annnnd our favorite Handsomest Man in the World David Gandy!). I think men have much more inclination to touch this kind of hair than the long, straight look. And also this looks like a woman. The long, straight thing is strictly a girl.

Lastly for fashion, how about this DSquared red suit for men? I like their clothes a lot. And I am not big on men's necklaces but I think with the T-shirt and the suit, this could work.

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Marton Csokas

Do not forget about my show this weekend, please come! Info at the top right of my blog >>>>>>

This is Handsomest Man in the World Day! Marton Csokas is an actor who has recently appeared in "Debt", the newish Helen Mirren movie in which we see the cast as two young men and a women, and then again later when they are much older. Helen Mirren is the older woman. Marton is one of the younger men. It's not a very sympathetic role but he had something great going for him. Very manly yet with an emotional side. He can really act. His is from New Zealand and his background is Hungarian. He has got something, check him out.

For True Lover

For today I wanted to add something more for True Lover, whose question I answered yesterday. Do not abandon pornography altogether. I thought more about this and remembered that I had read an interview with Buckminster Fuller, the famous avante garde architect and suddenly out of the blue in the interview he said something like, "And don't forget how important pornography is as you get older."

I would not have expected this from him but here's my suggestion:
Check out period porn from twenty and thirty years ago. Or even ten. Before it became so routine. The people involved were actually interested in having sex with each other. There aren't all the camera angles and fancy lighting. I have one with Joe Dallesandro, the Andy Warhol star - from before he met Andy awhen he was very young guy in Los Angeles. Pretty hot. Track some of this stuff down online.

(Photo of Joe Dallesandro by Andy Warhol)

What to Do?

Dear Folks,
You will be badgered this week with information on my new show "How to Be Gay in the 21st Century." All the information is to the right at the top of the page. >>>>

Please try to come and say hello to me afterwards, and you can buy the book! Really, what more could you ask?

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On to the question of the day:

Dear David,
I don't like to masterbate to porn. It leaves me feeling empty, and robs me of a sexual vibrancy and energy in my days and my personality that making love with someone does not. I like what you say about waiting for that zing zang feeling before making love with someone, but waiting for that someone can make minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days if you are male and not having orgasms. The pressure kind of builds you know? What to do?
~True Lover

Dear True Lover,
Yes I think porn has fallen into heavy routine. Directors like Chichi LaRue have a set of fixed camera angles and they run their performers though all the setpieces in much the same order film after film. And the choice of models tends to be exactly the same kind of bodies over and over until they are all indistinguishable one from the other. You can't even get a crush on a porn star anymore.

Here's my advice. When you masturbate imagine a real person, preferably someone with whom you've had sex. Conjure up in your mind what you would be doing. And let your imagination go. It's not really happening so you can go anywhere. This is also how you explore yourself sexually. You can also imagine having sex with a real person with whom you have not had sex. But no movie stars. This should be someone whom you know and see. I think a lot of people just don't have enough imagination to conjure up imaginary sex partners. And all the TV electronic images they are saturated with don't help. Here's hoping you can make your imagination more and more vivid.

Come On Out! with David Leddick ~ Episode 9

Welcome to today's episode of Come On Out! with David Leddick, where I interview my personal trainer and good pal Eddie Goicolea about his personal coming out story. Enjoy!

Just Noticing Some Trends for You...

The fashion report this week is just noticing some trends for you:

1. After telling you last week that there are much older male models surfacing, I find that there is suddenly a rash of floppy-haired blondes in all the magazines. This is a new type and they aren't the skinny clothes horses we've been seeing for the past number of years. Is this the return of the Norsemen? We shall see.

2. A fashion report using young guys from the street shows up with that long, long hair again. You could go for it. If I was 15 to 18 I think I would certainly be doing it...

3. I just want to say that a lot of the fashion news seems to me to be very much the same old thing. When I first went to New York in 1955 (yes 1955) these clothes would not have looked at all out of place.

4. This new redcoat from Burberry is popping up everywhere. Who is going to wear this? My guess is metrosexuals to show they are not afraid of color. I think gay men will think this is too gay. It has to be worn by a non-gay. Note the headgear.

5. There are a lot of strange new head things going on for winter. I like this. Alburtus Swanepol is generating some of them. They are based in New York, but the name sounds Belgian, doesn't it?

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Matt from Vman Magazine

Wednesday rolling around again and this weeks Handsomest Man in the World is exceptional. His name is Matt and he is one of the new model contenders from Vman magazine. This guy is spectacular. If somebody doesn't drag him off to Hollywood immediately they are crazy.

How should I feel?

Dear David,
I am a career woman who has just passed 30. I feel frantic at my need to secure a man before it is "too late." On the other hand I want very much to have a career and have the security of my own ability to earn money. At the moment I am seeing a man who I am very attached to emotionally but whose career prospects are not as good as mine. Which he knows and doesn't like. I don't think this is the man I should marry or will marry but I worry about my future in this area also. I don't want to be alone. How should I feel?
~Ms. Modern Living

Dear Ms. Mod,
You said it! You probably know how I feel about the 21st century and the place of women in it. This is the century when women become truly equal. If you are having a fulfilling romantic experience with this guy, go for it. It doesn't have to result in marriage.

You know I always say you can only look ten years younger than you are. I'll bet you look great and don't give yourself the same deadlines as previous generations. If you can pay your bills and that of a child or two all by yourself there are men you are going to look very good to. The one thing I do think is let men chase you. Don't chase them. Join up with someone who really wants you. It always works out best. You have plenty of time, my dear. You are really only 22, remember that.

Sweedie-Pie with a Career Question

Dear David,
This is not a sexual problem but more of a career problem. I am Swedish, 22 years old, and I think pretty bilingual. I have been visiting Miami Beach, which I love. I have finished college, have no career destiny and wonder what I could do to connect me to Miami Beach. I do notice that the apartment prices here are much lower than their equivalent in Stockholm. But how to get enough money together to buy one?
~Sweedie

Dear Sweedie,
You should probably call yourself Sweedie-Pie, after the American cartoon character Sweetie-Pie. Listen, you seem to be very lingual from your message, which cannot be that common. This is what hits me immediately. See some real estate people while you are here. Then go to Stockholm and start selling Miami Beach apartments and houses to Swedish retirees. The prices should look good to them and the weather is certainly far superior to Sweden in the winter. I'll bet you could do this. If you need some real estate contacts email me at davidsgaydish@gmail.com and I will help you out.