Help! My lover is a restless sleeper...

Dear David,
I have a lover whom I care about very much. We have a great connection mentally and physically. The only problem is that he is a very restless sleeper with much tossing and turning. I am not. He does not like to sleep in the same bed with me because of all this hurling about. I hate having to go to sleep in another bedroom. What to do? I know you have the answer!
~D. Sturbed Sleeper

Dear D. Sturbed,
I have the answer: Two double beds in the same bedroom. Even up tight. I don't care if you have to use the largest room in the house or apartment, do it. You definitely do not want him sleeping in a separate room. You have to be handy when he needs you. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

Love is the answer

Dear David,
You seem to think that life really revolves around love and the sex involved. Yet so many people don't seem to have those kinds of lives. Do you ever wonder if you're right?
~Luv's the Answer

Dear Luv's the Answer,
Never. I think in this world of many conflicts and disappointments that if you really experience true love for another person you will not check out at the other end feeling unfulfilled. I just read "The Gallery" by John Horne Burns, the first real post World War II novel about Naples during the war and he has a wonderful chapter on the same subject. Even in that awful world of desperation and brutality people fell in love. It's great. He is largely forgotten now as he never wrote another important novel and died at 36, but he lived a lot in those 36 years.

As I say over and over again, it doesn't matter what other people think of you, only what you think of yourself. And you deserve the unforgettable experience of love!

Handsomest Man in the World ~ Keylan of Red Model Agency

Hey Folks- It's Handsomest Man in the World Day and you aren't going to argue with me about this one. He's Keylan at Red Model agency in New York. The heat comes right off the page. I found him in 

the new issue of Hercules Magazine. Very swell.

____________________________________________________

Dear David,
It seems like single older men are only looking for "hook ups".  Where can I a meet an older man who wants to actually date? I dated a 65 year old lawyer and really enjoyed doing so about a year ago, things didn't work out.  It seems like the older men are already jaded by long term relationships. I understand not wanting to be burned again by love, but I am really attracted to older guys. Do you think there is any hope to find one that would be interested in long term love?
~Mr. What to do with Older Men


Dear Mr. What to do,
Please keep looking. You sounds like a man many older men would LOVE to meet. I have to think about where to make contact but probably bars and online are not the best venues for a relationship. Most older gay men have not had successful long term relationships and still hope for one. Are there any clubs for men in whatever field you work in? Somehow I think you need to look around in the investments/finance field. Take an investment/porfolio class, play golf - find activities that don't revolve around the bars. Best of luck and please report back!

Love/dating advice // I'm a woman in her late 40s...

Dear David,

I'm a woman in her late 40s and I look pretty good at my age. I haven't dated anyone in a long time. I'd like to know around what age do men make a shift to where they are usually capable of having a mature relationship like discussing problems, taking care of responsibilities, etc. At my age, I have a low tolerance for B.S. 

I am sometimes attracted to younger men in their 20s, but I'm not looking for fun but a real relationship. I should add that the last time I was involved with someone, it was with a 24 year old who I felt very close to and who was a close friend, but when something finally began, he made some immature mistakes I got upset about, and things quickly ended.

~Miss Should I Skip the 20 Year Olds?

Dear Miss Skip,

I wouldn't skip younger men. Not at all. Just make sure your radar is up for anyone who many be generating some chemistry for you. One of my rules is that when choosing between lovers take the younger. I think there is someone inside of everyone who is looking for another person who completes them. You mention "immature mistakes". That goes with the territory at ANY age. You sound like a fun, adult, caring person. Some guy (probably younger than you) is going to appreciate that a lot. This is the year of good luck. It is waiting for you! Go get it!

Dear David,
What do you think about gay marriage?
~Rather B. Single

Dear Rather B.,
Listen, if your idea of a great life is being an upper middle-class couple in the suburbs with children, go for it. For myself, my life has been all about romance. And if romance is gone, so am I.  I am 83 and have managed to be in my fourth great romance right now. The other three lasted  two years, thirty years and ten years. I count myself very, very lucky that I have managed to pull this off. I was always man crazy. I was never domesticity crazy. And if you think domesticity equates to security, you have another thing coming.

I think it was Tolstoy who wrote, "If you do not want to be lonely you should never marry." I think in this century we are going to see a lot of women opting for romance over marriage, while the people they are "copying"....gay men...will go in the other direction. Interesting isn't it?

I am 28 years old, gay and still a virgin...

Dear David,
I am 28 years old, gay and still a virgin. What should I do?
~Wonderin'

Dear Wonderin',
You are not in such a fix as you might think. Imagine all the bad sex you have avoided! Still, it is definitely time for you to lose it. First, do not pay for it. That will give you a bad attitude towards the whole thing. You must get it clear in your head what kind of guy you think is sexy. Then you must concentrate on going where those kinds of guys are. Muscly? Go to the gym. Intellectual? Try an adult education class. Whatever it is, get out there. Meet somebody. As them to have a drink, coffee, lunch. And probably this whole thing is about being rejected. Expect to be rejected. None of us are everybody's type. And if someone wants to pursue you, let them. You just need to meet some people. Keep me posted.

What to do when your lover overreacts...

Dear David,
I am slightly over 50, in good shape, and have been very much enjoying a new romance with a man not quite a decade younger than myself. He needs to lose a little weight and frequently mentions this himself. But when I dropped a remark that it might be good to lose some weight, he exploded into a hysterical fit and disappeared, then sending me lots of very uncomplimentary emails. The reaction was out of proportion to the incident. I don't really want this to be the end. In your opinion, is it?
~What's next?

Dear What's next?,
The party is definitely not over in my outsider's opinion. You are somewhat more mature obviously and just from having seen a lot of men in my time, your new guy may just be extremely sensitive right now as he advances into his 40s and his looks are shifting into something more mature. As you undoubtedly have read here in my blog, every relationship is "the lover" and "the loved one." In this case, you are definitely "the lover". When he contacts you again, and he will, just remember you have to coddle your loved one. Make him feel good about himself. Try to keep him away from donuts, but in a polite way. He obviously feels strongly about you or he wouldn't have reacted so explosive. Hang in there, apologize and move forward.

Old love, new love? What to do?

Dear David,
I am living with an older man who has been essential to my staying in the US, as my South American home country is difficult to visit with visas, as is this country. We have sex, but we both have other flings. He seems to have no objection to this. He loves me and I feel very strongly about him. He has also done so much for me.

Recently I have fallen in love with someone my own age and do not want to lose him. My new love of course, insists I leave the older man. I am so torn up about this. What should I do?
~Torn & Tormented

Dear T. & T.,
You have gotten yourself into quite the situation. I think you should just keep both relationships going for a while. Your new love needs some testing in my opinion and your existing love may want to move on to a different kind of life in the upcoming year. Don't make a decision right now. Just remain tormented for another six months and see what happens.

My lover of 17 years and I have just broken up...

Dear David,
My lover of 17 years and I have just broken up. It sort of began withering away about a year ago and I don't think either of us was to blame and I think we still feel love for each other...it was just sort of dead on its feet. He already has a new boyfriend, who has been sort of waiting in the wings for the past year I gather. And I have become involved with a very handsome man a bit older than myself, previously married and the father of three. I could be very romantically involved with him but he is not avidly pursuig me, although very interested. My common sense tell me he isn't the best idea in the world, yet I feel very drawn to him.
~Midlife and mixed up

Dear Midlife,
Seventeen years is a long time. But as my manager says, "The parties over, turn on the lights." I think you should pay attention to your feelings of uneasiness about Mister Ex-married. You have to be missing the feelings of intimacy with your departed partner. My own rule is that the other guy has to be pursuing me. Otherwise you can be headed for teenage heartbreak. Hold yourself back a bit-I think that is a good way to be in this situation. Maybe it will make the new lover shift gears and really get after you. If not, you have still made the right decision.

My boyfriend works to make extra money...

(image from the movie Magic Mike)

Dear David,

My boyfriend works to make extra money in a bar where men dance naked…and I mean naked. They are allowed to take it all off, legally. He tells me he doesn't go into the back room with customers for lap dances, but I'm not sure if I believe him. He makes a lot of money in this place…sometimes $1,000 on weekend nights. I think all of this is a bad idea - what do you think?

~Per Plexed

Dear Per Plexed,

What this is basically is whoring. I think this is entirely up to the person doing it. And I'm not sure how different this is from one person staying with another person for the money involved, call it what you like.

However, I do think promiscuity of any kind deadens your intimate one on one relationships. So, I think you're right. It is a threat to your partnership with him. I think I would discuss this with him. Avarice is one of the seven deadly sins, you know. A love of money can be very obsessive and wreck a lot of other connections in your life.

San Francisco bound?

Dear David,
My lover has recently been reassigned to the San Francisco branch of his company. Moving there with him would mean quitting my job as a designer in the fashion industry and starting all over there, which is not a big city for my abilities. Should we try to continue in a long distance romance?
~Queer Query

Dear Queer Query,
No. A long distance romance with your partner in San Francisco is out of the question. Go! Your emotional life is more important than your career. You will be fine.

Choosing between 2 different men...

Dear David,
I'm involved with two different men. One is more mature, has money, likes me a lot and is comfortable and pleasant to be with. The younger one is high energy, likes sex everyday and can't keep his mitts off me. I feel I should bedside between them because it's been going on for some time. What do you have to say?
~Two for One

Dear Two for One,
Chose the younger one! I have two rules in my life that never vary and come from experience. When deciding between jobs that the one that pays the best. There is little difference between a good job and a bad one. And when you say to yourself, "what am I doing here?" you can answer "I'm being paid a lot of money to be here."

As for men, trust me. The kinds of problems the younger one will give you are the kind most people would love to have. Go with him, you won't regret it!

Is this adult love?

map by vladstudio.deviantart.com

Dear David,

I have a boyfriend who lives in a foreign country who is very taken with me. I appreciate his intelligence, education, he is a pleasure to be with, excellent body and sexiness but...I am not in love with him. I have told him that and we have a kind of intimacy, but I cannot call it love. Is this adult love? What gives?

~ S.Lightly Baffled

Dear Mr. Baffled,

If you read my blog regularly I am sure you've heard me say that in my opinion in every relationship - there is the lover and the loved one. You probably have always been the lover. Now it’s your turn in the barrel. My take on you is that you might fall in love with someone else after you have committed to your foreign lover and that could become a big problem. I think you should keep it as a romantic love affair between foreigners for the moment. Your feelings may shift. Any long term relationship will always involve a shifting back and forth as to who is the lover and who is the loved one. I’d wait this out for awhile.

Are you avoiding reality?

Dear David,
Here we are in 2013 with the same old problems. I've found myself for a while now very attracted to a married man who doesn't know I'm alive. I feel very drawn to him.
~The Impossible Dream

Dear Impossible Dream,
I think that you should think about why you are so attracted to the impossible. To me, there's no real risk there. Ask yourself: Are you're afraid of falling in love with someone who is available? And why? And how about allowing someone to fall in love with you. You may just be avoiding reality, now that is something to think about...

Help! I love my lover more than he loves me

Dear David,
I think that I love my lover more than he loves me. It makes me a little sad.
~Lorne Love

Dear Lorne Love,
Please don't be sad. Every relationship involves the lover and the loved one. Even if it's 51% and 49% it's never even. The Loved One always says, "No no, we're very equal." the Lover won't even discuss it. Not matter. You are the one experiencing all the feelings, the excitement, the romance. And life is all about feelings and experience, nothing else. Your lover may not be feeling as much but also remember as time goes by sometimes the roles flip. You may be the loved one some day! Hang in there.

Part Time Lovers & Rent Boy the Musical!

Dear David,
My lover lives in Detroit. I live in New York. We both have relatively high level jobs on our professions and it would be difficult for either of us to find similar job in each other's cities. This has been going on for three years. I go to Detriot alternate weekends. He comes to New York alternately, too and we spend our vacations and holidays together, of course.

I love him more and more and want very much to live with him all the time. What shall I do?
~Part-Time Lover

Dear Part-Time Lover,
I don't think you are a part-time lover at all. Much as you don't want to hear this, your not living together is prolonging the romance. I have two rules for romance:
1. Don't go in the bathroom together
2. Never Eat In

You are preserving a lot of mystery and magic and I like that. Beofre long destiny will stp in and you will both move to Dallas or something like that. But don't rush it. A hard to handle romance makes it more and more valuable all the time. I'll be you're having a lot of sex when you get together - probably a lot more than if you had been living together this whole time!
______________________________

My Dear Blogettes, I am very excited to announce my new show! I am going to New York in March 2013 with a revision of our show "Escorts" (based on my book) which is now called "Rent Boy the Musical." Our slogan is "Everyone on stage is for sale." Please visit www.rentboythemusical.com for more information & http://www.rentboythemusical.com/for_rent for more info about casting!

Is it normal to have...

Dear David,
I have a South American lover who thinks it is quite normal to have sex daily and maybe twice. I would never tell my friends this as it would seem like we are kind of sex crazed. Am I wrong?
~Lotta Sex

Dear Lotta,
Yes, you are wrong. Lucky you!

I have a friend who's life revolves around his dog. It's fido this and fido that all the time...

Dear David,I have a friend who's life revolves around his dog. It's fido this and fido that all the time. I have pets but they are my pets. I love them but I don't think of them as people. Am I wrong or is he wrong?
~The Pet Questioner
Dear Pet Questioner,I was brought up in a household with many pets so I am used to having animals around the house. However, I do think there is a danger of letting pets take the place of a person in your life. They always love you. They don't talk back. They don't argue. All around they're much easier. But you are right. They cannot be fulfilling in the way a relationship is. If they must always be present and you cannot leave them - often they create a barrier that makes having a relationship difficult. I myself think they are there are there to create that barrier because the pet owner doesnt really want to have a relationship or do what is required - like pay attention to another person. Yes, love your pets but don't make them a substitute. That's my opinion.

He does not like to cuddle...

Dear David,
I have a lover who is great in bed.  But other than during sex he does not want to be touched in bed. He does not like to cuddle, doesn't want to sleep touching my body in any way. There's no snuggling with him. Nor do I get a little hug from time to time. Have you ever run into this? Is there anything that can be done? If I mention it, all he says is "I just don't want to."
~The Uncuddled

Dear Uncuddled,
It's tough. I have encountered this. Not personally. Fortunately I have usually had a "hands on" type in tow. I once worked with a famous male model who discussed this. He woke up immediately if anyone touched him while he was sleeping and couldn't go back to sleep in contact with another body. Somewhere deep down it probably has to do with feeling guilty about being homosexual. Or maybe about needing anyone else? Needing someone may make that person feel weak and not able to deal with life. That's my guess. As always, I suggest massage. They are awake, you are in touch with each other. Frequent massage may get him accustomed to another person's body in contact with his own when it doesn't involve sex.

Wanting more...

Dear David,
I am living in Miami Beach. I am seriously interested in a relationship and not just dating around. Miami Beach is great and the men are great, but I am finding it to be pretty much of a playground. Everyone wants to have fun, no one wants to get serious. I am thinking of moving to New York where I get the impression men are more serious. What is your advice?
~Wanting More

Dear Wanting More,
I am not so sure that New York is the solution. I lived there a long time and I always got the impression that no one wanted to commit there because someone better was just around the corner - sort of similar to here in Miami. I think love can flourish anywhere. The important thing is not to be afraid of being the one to go first. Once you are in love with someone you can get determined to pull them out of the herd and into your arms. Are you sure you really want to commit? If you are and you find the guy you want, just hang on and don't let him go! I have fallen in love with someone because they were in love with me. It can happen.